I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize