that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
