is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
