the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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