..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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