I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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