I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
