what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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