Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
