I skipped work to stalk him.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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