Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you have to choose: penises or morals?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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