Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
