Christians are straight up FREAKS
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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