I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
