you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
