do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
