i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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