anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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