check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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