haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
