Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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