We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
