you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
