who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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