i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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