I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
