I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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