Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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