If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
