The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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