Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
