I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
