Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
