I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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