All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
