Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
