My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
