wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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