He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
