; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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