I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
