it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
