Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
