We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
