I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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