I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
