god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
