Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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