I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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