my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
