So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
