He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
