What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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