Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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