Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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