wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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