"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
