i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He passed out mid-signature
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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