just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
