What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize