found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
