Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
