I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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