Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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