dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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