god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
