Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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