U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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