i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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