THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
