my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
