when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
