I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
