You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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