but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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