He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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