we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
