last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
