Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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