I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
