he wants to bone in the snuggie
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
