This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
