Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
