remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
