what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
